An Experiment: I Went Back To My Cheating Ex-Boyfriend And This Is What Happened

When I found out my boyfriend had been unfaithful, my heart skipped a beat. Then it began to beat so aggressively that I could see my heart lifting from my chest. Then came the uncontrollable shaking and losing any and all control over my body. I didn’t know how to react, so I pretended like nothing had happened and that everything was OK; I wanted one last moment of bliss before I knew it had to end it.

I went three weeks broken up with him, and without him by my side, before I finally cracked and went back into his arms — a place that was so familiar and comfortable to me. My ego was bruised and I felt insecure. Why did he cheat? Was I not good enough? How was I so blind? All these questions and thoughts kept me up for nights on end, this obsession to know why. I went back to not only figure out the answers to these questions that unceasingly nagged at me, but to also make him want me again — something I so desperately needed to feel. Of course I know this is a fruitless and pathetic pursuit — to seek out validation from someone who is clearly undeserving of my respect and love.

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