Gossipable!

The first date is the worst date. I say this because you, a spritely, ambitious, young single seeking love and/or companionship, is looking to have a successful first date by going out on a rudimentary/awkward date of coffee, dinner or a movie with a person who’s not your friend, and not yet an acquaintance. They’re a stranger. At this point, this person has potential to be Prince Charming, or, more likely, the kind of guy who punctuates a date with a d#ck pic. Your duty here is to discover which of these dudes the guy sitting across the table talking about his life’s ambitions happens to be. To ensure your date goes as well as it possibly can, I’ve consulted various studies and surveys concerning the first date and dating, in general. From what to eat to what you should wear, the following studies have reached sound conclusions that can benefit you in navigating the “forkiest” of roads that is modern dating: 1. Be direct. A study published in Personality and Individual Differences fou

What’s the trick to making your relationship last? I don’t just mean through the next month or so, I mean for the long haul. What makes a relationship the forever kind? Is it tons of great s#x? Lots of stuff in common? Enough money to never feel stressed? All of those factors probably play their own respective roles, but in a recent interview with New York Magazine, Brian Gleason, LCSW revealed what he believes to be the biggest key to a successful relationship. OK, what’s so special about this Brian Gleason guy? Well, he and his wife of nearly 40 years, Marcia, are the co-founders of the Exceptional Marriage practice. The two also just co-authored a book, “Exceptional Relationships: Transformation Through Embodied Couples Work.” So, yeah, you could say they know what they’re talking about when it come to relationships. In the interview, Gleason explained that he’s noticed in his practice that the biggest reason couples have problems is that they have not cultivated “emotional fluency”

“You’re not going to wear THAT, are you?!” an ex from long ago asked me, her bright hazel eyes dimming in disgust. “What are you talking about?” I asked, self-consciously tugging at the hem of my favorite outfit. It was only our third date, and I had been saving this outfit specifically for the occasion. “It just looks ridiculous,” she retorted, laser beams of disgust shooting out of her eyeballs as she spoke. “You’re such a beautiful girl. Why would you ever wear that?” The outfit in question was a soft yellow skirt with bright pink retro flowers, paired with a crop top made up of the same pattern. I had recently seen it front and center on my favorite style website Dollskill, and had instantly fallen in love with it. I fiercely adored the way the delicate flowers wildly juxtaposed against the s#xy, netted top. I had paired it with awesome, magenta, dripping Chanel statement earrings I’d picked up at the Williamsburg flea market the weekend before. I felt pretty in this outfit. I felt

My entire life, I’ve been completely obsessed with Vogue magazine, but with Anna Wintour in particular. Oh, that blunt bob that NEVER moves, even when the brutal urban air gets trapped in between the city sky scrapers, turning the streets of Manhattan into a giant wind tunnel. Those black-out sunnies, the Chanel tweed suits and that chic, frozen facial expression that doesn’t reveal any emotions whatsoever. UGH. I LOVE YOU, ANNA. And Vogue? The shiny pages, made up of vacant-eyed models casually clutching $12,000 Chanel bags with the frivolity of half-smoked cigarettes doomed to be stubbed into the concrete, I wanted to be one of those models. That is, until I quickly realized I was probably going to peak at 5’6” and have far too expressive of a face to be the removed, Kate Moss-type waif that was all the rage at the time. I became an actress instead, so I could at least play a fierce fashion maven on TV. So, when the book “The Devil Wears Prada” hit the shelves when I was a pimply tee

Love is not simple. In fact, it is perhaps one of the most complex things in the world. It carries a lot of surprises and immerses you in a plethora of feelings – some of which you have never even felt before. They will mostly strike you with awe, but of all these feelings, there are two that go hand in hand – joy and pain. You see, no matter how much you pray for or wish for, or even work for a perfect love, there will never be such a thing as a perfect relationship. There will be good days, as well as bad; fights and kisses – lots of them; crying and laughing; winning and losing. There will be days when you’ll just look at your partner’s face as he/she sleeps and think about how you want to spend the rest of your days and nights with him/her. You’ll look at him/her and fail to comprehend how it all happened, or even started. You’ll look at him/her and feel all sorts of emotions bursting out of your chest like a firework ready for display. However, there will also be days when you’ll

Our love was a losing battle at the beginning. We knew we were heading towards the cliff and yet, we always chose to live in the moment than to think of the days ahead. It was a spark when I met you that eventually started a fire that consumed us and everything outside of us. I’m sorry if I didn’t put it out when I can. I’m sorry if I didn’t let you put out the fire when you were ready to let go of me. We never came to a point that we agreed to end things between us. One of us was always strong when the other was weak. One was always holding on when the other was letting go. You were always hard to deal with, stubborn most of the time, but I learned to love that about you. I loved you at your best and loved you more at your worst, as what you have shown me too. And though they hate the beasts in you, know that I love each of them in all forms of sincerity. Thank you for the love that was never dull. For the new things we learned and unlearned together. The songs we sing together. The f

1. When they do the unappealing chores (taking out the trash, doing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom) so that you can have a break. 2. When they hold off on watching the next episode of Game of Thrones (or whatever your favorite joint show is) no matter how much it pains them, because they know it’s your thing to do together. 3. When they sort out your Cloud storage or fix your printer or help you do your taxes or any other tedious task you can think of, because they know it will help alleviate a little bit of your stress. 4. When they scrape the snow off your car in the dead of winter so that your morning is just a little easier. 5. When they smile anytime you do something stupid or silly, and you feel zero sense of embarrassment because you know this is why they like you in the first place. 6. When they let you tell a story that they’ve already heard four times, just because they know it brings you joy and delight to bring it up. 7. When they finally break the pooping barrier around

I salute you because contrary to what people tell you, you are not stupid. You are never dumb for falling for that guy. You are actually brave and I admired that bravery you had when you decided to fall for them. You are brave. Brave. I salute you for your very act of loving. For having the power to love the people who can’t love you the way you deserve to be loved. I salute you because even when it hurts like hell, you still choose to stay. That even though you have all the reason to walk away, you still prefer them and you don’t even think twice. I salute you for your belief that people can change. That maybe one day, he would realize just how important you are. That one morning, he will see all your efforts and appreciate it. That a time will come and he will take into consideration all the emotions you invested in him. That one special moment, he would just come into his senses and will realize just how amazing you are and how good you have been to him and will decide to reciprocat

We spend a lot of time worrying about what we’re going to get out of love. We’re looking for commitment. Stability. Long-term partnership. A guarantee that someone’s going to walk into our lives and then never walk back out. It’s in our nature to cling to what we love – this is an evolutionary trait that has been programmed into us since the beginning of time. And yet it’s one that gets us absolutely nowhere. Because here’s the thing about love: Its longevity is never guaranteed. You could have a ring slipped on your finger, pop out several adorable children, be the world’s most picture-perfect couple and then have that lover get hit by a car one Tuesday morning and lose them a thousand times quicker than you found them. Nothing about love is ever set in stone. And yet we expend so much energy trying to ensure it doesn’t go anywhere. And the problem is that when we love with the goal of securing a commitment from someone, we are loving them with an agenda. We aren’t just appreciating t

Yes, we’ve all been there. A man takes notice, and starts to pursue you in one way or another. Shortly after a few great dates, flowers, sweet texts and phone calls, you get the hots for this guy. This leads to hours on end of chatting away with our girlfriends, gay husbands, and even male friends on how to decode mens behavior. Within minutes of feeling those tingly little butterflies, you start to wonder where ‘you’ went – that is, the smart, emotionally stable, ‘got their s*&$ together’ person? You realize that your brain is being taken over by a sense of vulnerability. Now you are analyzing his every move, restlessly and hopelessly anticipating… something. But is your anticipation legit? Is this the unfurl of a blossoming new romance, or have you drank the idealist koolaid and bought a one-way ticket to disillusionment city? Here are five ways to know that he definitely is, in fact, into you. These factors are absolute, and based on primal male genetic coding since the beginnin

1. Because he had a microp#nis. “Because he had a microp#nis. :( It was like sucking on a button.” 2. Because I needed his WiFi password. “My neighbor for his WiFi password.” Click to continue reading

1. Learn. Every day. In whatever way you can. Read a book, spend five minutes catching up on the news, master a tiny task. Go to bed every night knowing you are (even in the smallest way) smarter than you were the day before. 2. Look up from that small device in your hand. There’s a beautiful world happening right around you. 3. Be honest, always. Learn to get in the habit of speaking truthfully, rather than dancing around a subject or feeling the need to tell people what they want to hear. 4. Go to bed early when you know you need a good night’s sleep, no matter how hard it is to force yourself to do it. 5. And sleep in when you know you deserve it. 6. Listen to the music that brings you joy, whether it’s from the most obscure band in the world or the most overplayed Top 40 song ever. 7. Abstain from judging others and taking part in gossip, no matter how satisfying it may feel in the moment. 8. And when you fail at this from time to time (because we all will, because we’re human) – l

1. Texting me to tell me about it. Thanks, wife. “Texting me to tell me about it. Thanks, wife.” 2. Infrequent outbursts of unexplained laughter. “Laughing…Not the something is funny and we can both see the humor in it. Like infrequent outbursts of unexplained laughter. Makes a guy pretty self-conscious.” Click to continue reading

Over the weekend, I witnessed such a sweet moment between my grandparents that made me feel all mushy on the inside. Grandma was stirring her stew, under the lit-up kitchen hood. Grandpa looked at her and said, ‘Wow, you look so beautiful under that light!’ and as always, she pretended she didn’t hear him. He called out to her once more, ‘Come and sit here with me. You’ll look even prettier if you weren’t standing there, cooking.’ The only reaction he got from her was a glare. As much as she tried to hide it, I knew damn well she was feeling all mushy on the inside as well. She had better be. Because these days, men like Grandpa are a rare breed. After over 50 years of marriage, Grandpa still treats Grandma like how he would have if he were trying to woo her. Looking at relationships today, everyone is afraid of commitment. Everyone wants their partner to love them wholeheartedly but is afraid to give their all. No one is ever willing to put the other person first. The world has turned

1. Imagine you’re having s#x with your favorite band member backstage after the concert. 2. Imagine getting n#ked on a secluded beach and r#ding your partner while looking out at the scenery. 3. Imagine getting a l@p dance from your crush, and then having it turn into hot s#x. Click to continue reading

Do you wonder why your relationships always fall apart? What pushes men away? Are your expectations about love too high…or too low? How can you recognize dead-end relationships and stop wasting time on them? What are the signs he’ll never commit? What are the red flags you should never ignore? What factors decide whether a relationship succeeds or fails? What do men want from a relationship? What are the most common relationship mistakes women make? Why do men lose interest? And most importantly, what are the real reasons you can’t find lasting love? My new book, Everything You Need to Know if You Want Love That Lasts will answer all these questions and more and provide you with everything you need to know to find and keep love that lasts. Writing a book is a big learning process and I always come away with many new epiphanies. I pulled a selection of my favorite, and what I consider to be the most important, insights from each chapter, the tidbits that would have saved me a lot of hea

1. I chugged rum from a horse d#ldo while many people watched. “That’s kinda hard when you are in kink. But I like this time when I was at a party and was on my knees chugging RumChata from a horse d#ldo while many people watched. It was pretty good.” 2. I flashed my p#ssy at a bar full of people and let them take pics. “Flashed my p#ssy at a bar full of people and let them take pics.” 3. I went to church without und#rwear on. “I went to church without und#rwear on.” Click to continue reading

There is something comforting about letting God handle your difficulties; the things you can’t control and the things that need a miracle. When you leave it all up to him and when you trust that somehow he will get you through it. There is something reassuring about letting God handle the consequences; that’s why you take risks, that’s why you try, that’s why you fail and that is why you make mistakes. There is something fearless about letting God help you overcome your fears and there is something safe in walking into the unknown when you have enough faith. There is something peaceful about loneliness when you know God is with you, when you know he sees what no one sees, when you believe he understands what you can’t explain and when you trust that he is listening to the words you’re not saying. At the end of the day everything is written by the hands of God. He is the only one who can change your story, erase it and rewrite it, keep it exactly like it’s supposed to be or write miracl

I honestly don’t need someone as shitty as you in my life. That’s why I haven’t picked up my phone to contact you. Of course, I haven’t deleted your number either. So if you actually texted me, I’d be dumb enough to answer. I just want to know that you care. There’s no way in hell that I’m going to text you first. But if you were the one to reach out to me, to admit that you missed me and wanted me back in your life, then I wouldn’t be able to hold myself back from answering you. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to put in effort to show me that you give a fuck about me. Texting me would only be a tiny gesture, but it would be enough to convince me to trust you again. It’s already hard enough to hold myself back from talking to you. Don’t make the mistake of thinking it’s been easy for me to go months without speaking to you. If you want the truth, it’s been hell for me. There have been plenty of times when I’ve grabbed my phone, typed out a message to you, and then came to my senses an

1. They strike a great balance between taking each other seriously and not taking anything else too seriously. 2. They’re not afraid to have (healthy) arguments, because they know that when everything’s been resolved, it’s never long before someone cracks a joke that immediately dissolves the tension. 3. Even the most mundane activities – like grocery shopping, doctor visits, and cleaning up after a party – typically involve laughter and light-hearted teasing. 4. Humor makes dealing with the uncomfortable parts of relationships (bathroom stuff, bouts of the flu, emotional meltdowns, and a whole bunch of other things) way easier to deal with and process. 5. Their shared love of goofiness and silliness keeps the spark going long after the “falling” part of “falling in love” has passed. 6. They can entertain each other for hours, even when they’re doing something as simple as laying on the couch. 7. The lighthearted baseline of their relationship makes room for a lot of spontaneity, adven

1. My mother found a decapitated head in the closet My mother used to work at a hotel in Washington DC back in the 90s as a housekeeper/maid since she needed money because she was a refugee from Vietnam. Even though she didn’t know much English at the time, she knew enough to get by at her job and all the other staff and hotel guests loved her because of how sweet she was. Because of this, anytime high profile guests (such as the Backstreet Boys) would stay at the hotel, the manager always sent my mom to clean the room since she was good at it. Anyways, one day, a guest came, who will we refer to him as Mr. M because I don’t know his real name, and checked in to their most expensive suite. As usual, the manager told my mom to go take care of his room. As she got there, there was a “do not disturb” sign so she told the manager she would come back later. What was weird was that no one was ever allowed in his room. The man stayed there for over a month and not one time did he let a staff