Gossipable!

I’ve been writing about relationships for a while now and can’t help but notice common themes that emerge over and over again in the questions we receive from readers. No matter what stage of life, or what stage in the relationship. most of the issues women are having are rooted in the same mistakes. To help you break away from the pack and get on the path toward a healthier, happier relationship, I’ve identified the 12 most common relationship mistakes most women make. If you can get a handle on the things on this list, I guarantee you’ll notice your relationship drastically change for the better. Here you go: 1. Flipping out if he looks at or talks to another woman. Click to continue

When I found out my boyfriend had been unfaithful, my heart skipped a beat. Then it began to beat so aggressively that I could see my heart lifting from my chest. Then came the uncontrollable shaking and losing any and all control over my body. I didn’t know how to react, so I pretended like nothing had happened and that everything was OK; I wanted one last moment of bliss before I knew it had to end it. I went three weeks broken up with him, and without him by my side, before I finally cracked and went back into his arms — a place that was so familiar and comfortable to me. My ego was bruised and I felt insecure. Why did he cheat? Was I not good enough? How was I so blind? All these questions and thoughts kept me up for nights on end, this obsession to know why. I went back to not only figure out the answers to these questions that unceasingly nagged at me, but to also make him want me again — something I so desperately needed to feel. Of course I know this is a fruitless and pathetic

Guys, sorry, but one of us has to put an end all these articles assuming on why we are incapable of having a committed relationship. I have done my fair research and have stumbled across endless reasons on why us guys won’t take it to the next level with girls. Most of these write-ups have been done by the female gender, and most of them have some good points, but in this letter I will let all you ladies in on what really goes on in our brains. Dear Amazing Girl, I get it, things have been going great, like really great. We hangout all the time, you know all the guys, I kind of know your girls, and the s#x is great. We even have had the talk, well YOU have had the talk with me. I say I’m not looking for anything serious, you pretend like its okay because everything else is great, but deep down it kills you. And for guys everywhere that do this to you, I am sorry. I truly am deeply sorry. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, and I know me not wanting the commitment does that. I look

1. Exchange “This Is Why I Love You” lists. There’s no better way to remember exactly why you love someone than to sit down and write out a list of all the reasons why they deserve your undying affection. Healthy relationships require just as much thought and attention as any professional project, so brainstorm like crazy. When you put pen to paper for a love themed mind dump, the beauty is that there are no wrong answers. Plus, the process of conjuring all your partner’s wonderful traits and then reviewing their list about why you’re so awesome will leave you both exuding positivity. You’re bound to end up feeling pretty damn good about the world overall, and your relationship specifically. 2. Take turns asking each other a series of revealing questions. How well do you really know your partner? Do you know what their most embarrassing memory is? What their greatest fear is? What their biggest hope for the future is? What inspired them to choose their career? What childhood memory the

1. They value experiences over expensive gifts, choosing to spend time together over spending money on each other. 2. They say “I love you” every single day, even when they’re frustrated with each other, because they really do feel that way on good days and bad. 3. They also tend to qualify “I love you” with details specific to their bond that make the proclamation that much more meaningful. 4. They make each other laugh. A lot. They tickle each other, exchange dumb jokes, wrestle, and make fun of each other whenever possible. 5. They divide household chores automatically, because they truly think of each other as equals. If one person cooks dinner, the other steps in to clear the table and do the dishes without prompting. 6. They tell each other what they honestly want—out of a weekend afternoon, a vacation, a night out, s#x, and life overall. 7. They set goals together and enjoy working towards meeting those goals, two likeminded members of the same team who cheer each other on throu

Men who remain calm in a crisis No matter who you are married life will be full of storms that you’ll have to weather together. Life happens. Job losses, death, health issues — all these things will affect you both at some point and the type of guy who makes a great husband is one who knows that panic is not a strategy. Someone who can keep calm and stay on your side, knowing that you two can support each other through anything is the only kind of man worth having. Men who are family people One of the best indicators that he’s husband material is that he is close to his family and treats them well — that’s the space you’ll occupy one day so don’t ignore the sneak peak while you can learn from it. Men who don’t need to be nagged Nagging is a two way street and it sucks for everyone involved. If you have to ask someone to pull their weight in a relationship, you’ve already lost. Men who make good fathers When you see a caring, responsible man — the kind who will make a good father — you

I’ve long considered my boyfriend of five years (or eight, depending on how you count) the actual Man Of My Dreams. But sometimes, I wonder if we can do forever. I don’t doubt that I love him with every morsel of my being. Still, I wonder if we’ll make it as a couple long-term simply because shit happens, no matter how much you love each other, and because relationships are hard work. Our love is the passionate kind, and things between us are often beyond storybook awesome. We are best friends and confidantes. We are each other’s biggest supporters and truest fans. We adore each other’s bodies and brains. We are aligned in our everyday hopes and future dreams. The s#x is unbelievable, the intimacy unmatched, and the bond underlying it all remarkably strong. But when we fight, things get ugly fast, and we drive each other absolutely insane. Click to continue

Just like women, men don’t always mean what they say. Looks can be deceiving, and so can words. But sometimes, a man means exactly what he says. Take, for instance, the statement: “I’m not ready for a relationship.” It’s tempting to ignore the underlying message behind these words. Tempting to believe that YOU can be the one to change his mind—to convince him that a relationship with YOU will be different from every other one he’s had. That a relationship with YOU is exactly what he wants, whether he knows it or not. That YOU will be the one to prove him wrong about his own desires. “I’ll just show him that I’m what’s best for him!” women tend to think in response to any anti-relationship claim. WRONG! WRONG! DAMN IT, YOU’RE WRONG! It’s a complete waste of time to pursue a man who leads with a warning about his relationship hesitation if what you’re after is indeed a relationship. If he says he doesn’t want to date you seriously and you’re looking for a significant other, move on. Don’

He always has that smitten look on his face whenever he’s photographed with her, that one girl he calls ex-girlfriend. With me, it was more of a socially friendly smile even though we were dating at the time. He dated me and claimed he liked me, but he was never in love with me like I hoped he would eventually be. It was my choice and I got what I asked for. I had him, his time, his body. I became the girl who was in love with a guy who didn’t see me the same way, the girl who was too smart to lie to herself but did it anyway, and the girl who never quite knows how to let go. Evidently, three months after the break up, I found myself crying at the glimpse of that smitten look on his face, once again, because of that same girl. I was startled by my own reaction because I was so sure I had gotten over him. Why would I not? We didn’t have a long history and weren’t exactly compatible. Plus, by the end of it, we had a calm, mature closure talk, followed up with texts, phone calls and a per

1. I promise that when we binge watch shows on Netflix, I won’t skip ahead. 2. Okay, I might skip ahead, but I’ll never spoil anything for you and I’ll act surprised at the good parts. 3. I promise to keep my phone screen face up and without a password, because I don’t have anything to hide. 4. I promise to show you off, whether it means bringing you around my friends & co-workers, or posting our pictures on Instagram. 5. I promise to continue doing the things I did to win your heart, well after you’re mine. 6. I promise I will never treat you like a cliche. I will never expect you to do anything just because you’re a “woman.” Those tropes are bullshit anyway. 7. I promise that every time we fight, I’ll order us make-up pizza. 8. I promise I will remember your coffee order and, when you drink too much whiskey the night before, I’ll bring you your coffee bedside… even if I’m hungover, too. 9. I promise we won’t fall into tired old routines and that I will look for new and interestin

The day we met is no more as special as any ordinary day. There were no sparks nor music in the air. It was simple, plain, like complete strangers crossing paths and knowing they would never meet again. I’ve always thought of it that way though something about him, at that exact moment, was really strange. Right then and there, I know he’s broken. Contrary to what others might have expected, I never tried to console him, even when I know now that he needed it. Believe me, I wish I did. I wish I had the courage back then to come up to him and say “Hi”. Maybe things would have been different. We went our own ways as if nothing happened, as if we never met. But, fate has its own plan, made our paths cross again, and this time, we became friends. Cutting the long story short, I fell in love with him. And I would like to believe so was he. I made myself believe he’s over you after everything he had been through to forget. I know your story. I know your history. But I never truly know you. I

He wants to be someone you’re proud of. He wants you to brag to your friends about him, gush to your parents about him, take the numerous painstaking pictures that result in just one you can post, because he wants the world to know that he’s with you. He wants you to slip your hand inside of his while you’re walking down the street, as a simple, territorial claim. He wants to be the guy who you openly can’t get enough of, because he cannot get enough of you. He wants you to take him at his word. He wants you to know that “I love you” today means I love you tomorrow and I’ll love you the day after that, even if he doesn’t always say it aloud. He wants you to know that the way he feels about you isn’t impacted by the tiny annoyances and the petty arguments and either of your foul moods on the bad days. He wants you to know that his affection and adoration for you are pervasive and you shouldn’t have to question that – ever. He wants you to act like he’s the very first guy. Not the first

1. You never have to wonder if you’re being too clingy, too forward, too emotional or too anything with him. 2. There’s certainly no limit to the number of couple-y photos you can post to social media without weirding him out. In fact, he welcomes the reassurance that you’re as into the relationship as he is. 3. When he comments on your posts or tags you in a comment, he doesn’t shy away from making it obvious that he’s your boyfriend. 4. Because dating you is a badge of honor for him. 5. He’s not the type to waste a single second worrying that his “game” is ruined just because he has a serious girlfriend. 6. It doesn’t even occur to him that appearing taken (online or IRL) might discourage other women from hitting on him. 7. And if the thought of repelling other women does cross his mind, it’s in the context of being glad that he doesn’t have to deal with all that anymore. Thanks to you, he’s got that part of life all figured out. 8. He would never even think to lament the loss of his

1. Dancing along the margin between dating and not dating someone makes you feel alive with possibility, whether or not entering into a relationship IRL seems at all possible. 2. Who doesn’t want to be wanted? No one. Feeling wanted and/or wanting someone—even if you never act on those emotions—is adrenaline inducing. 3. Almost dating someone lets you anticipate what it would be like to be their significant other—to hold each other, have s#x, exchange I love you’s, and build a life together—without actually taking the plunge. 4. As you imagine your would-be relationship, you get to craft every detail of the story starring you and your almost boyfriend or girlfriend, as if directing your very own romantic comedy. 5. But without actually going through the motions of getting to know someone and falling for them, or dealing with the insecurity, embarrassment, jealousy and other issues that tend to arise along the way. 6. Let’s face it: Anticipating something is often more rewarding than th

Singleness can sometimes be an extremely tough time especially when we really want to be with someone and we want those “relationship goals” that we all tend to see that our friends have… but what is the point of relationship goals, honestly? We never know what is truly going on in that relationship and we never really will. We need to stop comparing ourselves or using the words relationship goals. Your friend’s relationship is not yours and the Bible specifically tells us that we should not compare ourselves to others, so we should also not be comparing our relationship to others. For those of you who are single… you may be asking yourself what is it that you are doing wrong or whats wrong with you because there must be a reason why you are still single, right? Well good news! There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Is being single a bad thing? Does it mean that you aren’t lovable, that you are doing something wrong, nobody wants you, etc? Why doesn’t someone want me or choose me?

1. Bringing up the ex. “I think my biggest mistake was that I talked a lot about my ex-boyfriend. I was in a relationship for four years and I used to share more details than I should which gave them the impression that I wasn’t over my ex but I was just being honest.” ~ Anna, 27 2. Waiting. “My biggest mistake was waiting for the guy to make a decision about whether or not he wants to be exclusive. After spending a certain amount of time together, he should define where you two stand, but waiting is only a waste of time because if he was really interested, he would’ve made things official at one point.” ~ Jenny, 28 3. Being too picky “I was too picky. If he didn’t make a certain amount of money, or dressed in a certain way, I would automatically check him off. Now I know not to follow a check-list and just follow my heart.” ~ Alessandra, 27 4. Falling for the bad boy. “I always fall for the bad boy thinking that he will change. It’s naive to go into a relationship thinking you are goi

Dating is hard enough for our generation without almost-relationships confusing the hell out of us. I always say, there’s no such thing as mixed signals and that if your almost-boyfriend is making you feel unsure of where you stand or you think the guy you’re dating is ghosting you, that’s a clear enough sign that it’s not heading in the right direction. If he doesn’t seem to want to progress the relationship into something more serious while you do, you need to walk away. Although every part of you is telling you that it would be a mistake to continue engaging, you’ll often keep participating in these pseudo-relationships because you think you’d rather have a piece of him than have nothing with him at all. More women need to start demanding to have his all. When it comes to dating, you deserve to date someone who’s all in, otherwise you’ll keep needing validation and reassurance as you won’t feel confident in his feelings for you. If you really like the guy, you should have an “all or

1. Don’t do it! “It’s the worst feeling in the world. Not knowing if you two are together, not knowing if you can take him to your best friend’s wedding, not knowing if you’re actually the only one – it’s just a terrible feeling and it doesn’t get any better.” — Emily, 25 2. Guys just live in the moment. “I think women are just more emotional and we think far ahead, guys just don’t care. They can continue to ‘hang out’ with you if they’re having fun without defining anything for as long as they can. They like to enjoy the moment without worrying about the future.” —  Jenn, 24 3. If you want a serious relationship, you have to make that clear. “I was in an almost relationship for 6 months, holding on to the hope that somehow it will turn into something serious, but when I brought it up to him, he told me that he won’t settle down anytime soon. I was really hurt because I thought that our connection was getting better and stronger, but I guess he really didn’t feel the same way. I wish I

“I’m just not ready to commit.” Six words you don’t want to hear at any point in your relationship, let alone like my friend Megan (25) did 3 years into her relationship with Max (28). “I really thought we were going somewhere,” she commented. “I knew he wasn’t completely sold on the commitment idea, but frankly, until recently, neither was I. But I’m 25, and we were 3 years in, so I thought it was reasonable we start talking about that stuff. Within 3 months of me bringing it up, he was gone. ‘Meg, I’m just not ready to commit’ was one of the last things he said to me.” “I was devastated.” Megan lamented. “Crying for days on end. We had gone so well for such a long time, and I had such an expectation we were going places. For him to leave me like that for such a poor reason – there was nothing actually wrong between us! I just couldn’t believe it. I was gutted.” But that wasn’t the last surprise to come from Max. Not even a year after they had broken up, Max announced he was engaged t

A man once told me that his wife said she doesn’t feel connected to him. The first time she said it, he looked around, quickly noticed they were both physically in the same room talking to each other, and so exclaimed, “What the f**k are you talking about? I’m right here!” She didn’t feel connected to him. When he couldn’t make sense of that and angrily said so, she felt even more disconnected. Over time, their relationship crisis would worsen. Have you experienced this? Since my recent blog, “You Have To Choose Her Everyday (Or Leave Her),” a lot of women have written me with this complaint about their male partners: “He doesn’t know how to show up.” These women typically describe how angry, hurt and frustrated they are that their partners seem to be emotionally and/or psychologically absent from the relationship. Many are about to give up and leave. Some already have. There are also those who stay, and stay miserable. What are these women pointing to in their pain of disconnection? I

Every girl loves the feeling of meeting someone new; feeling that inevitable spark; exchanging numbers; talking to him everyday as the excitement buds. She connects with him; she feels the proverbial connection; she has fun with him; tells all her friends he might just be ‘the one’… And then something changes, as he either starts to pull away or seem less engaged or the worst one of all, begin to ignore her… Naturally, the way that men and women go about experiencing and processing relationships is very different. Whereas men tend to live much more in the moment and require more time, women tend to get stuck and wrapped in the tiny details and want to jump right into a relationship. The truth of the matter is that relationships in fact are really quite simple, but sometimes a girl can drive herself insane trying to figure it all out- often losing sight of what’s really important: the actual relationship in actual time, causing a budding relationship to turn into a non-existing one. 1.